Date Stats
My Outfit: Various, Classy, Conservative, ‘Nice Guy’ Appropriate
His Outfit: Various, Classy, Conservative, ‘Nice Guy’ Attire
Overall Rating: 9/10 (point lost for TRAMPLING ON MY HEART)
After a never-ending stream of bad dates, I was on the verge of deleting Tinder and symbolically setting myself on fire in protest of (and strange homage to) the little flame icon on my iphone that mocks me with false promise and shirtless selfies.
Before I did anything too drastic though, a cute chap in a Barney costume popped up. As you may remember from Nun Tinder (who, incidentally I ran into on Bleeker Street last weekend… mega awks) I am a sucker for a Tinder in a weird costume. We were matched and after some generic banter, he asked me for a drink.
I’ll admit, I wasn’t overly enthused about it. I mean, he was cute and all, but when Tinder has you considering setting yourself in flames, it’s hard to get excited about meeting another potential crazy (you never know whether they might want to wear the Barney costume during sex).
Nevertheless, I arrived for our date at The Soho Room on time and in a bit of a state, having just been seriously propositioned for a threesome by someone I was previously quite fond of (REALLY). I was a little disturbed by the whole thing and proceeded to tell Boston Tinder what had happened, which in retrospect is perhaps not the most adorable way to begin a date.
Especially if you then violently lament how awful men are and order mozzarella sticks to feed your emotions…
Most men probably would have run a mile as my voice started to wobble and I shoved a mozzarella stick into my mouth screaming ‘WHY ARE ALL MEN PIGS?’ but Boston Tinder calmly told me that I was beautiful and said, ‘There are some nice guys out there too.’ SWOON.
When we left, he hailed me a cab and said, ‘I really want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?’ Usually this kind of corniness makes me want to take my own life, but there was something so sweet and earnest about Boston Tinder that I felt butterflies as we made out in front of an angry waiting cab driver. It was all so Carrie/Big.
A couple of days later he took me for dinner in the West Village at Tertulia. This time, we expanded our conversation from merely ‘men r scum’ to actually asking questions about each other.
He worked at a Hedge Fund in their legal department (= smart and rich but not a finance douche. Hoorayz.) and was from Boston. He was so sweet and positive and nice about everything I was doing in my life that I literally left our date (which turned into an after-dinner romantic walk around Washington Square Park and then to an after-dinner drink at a cocktail bar) swooning and mooning.
Boston Tinder was a keeper.
For date number three, he came back a day early from a weekender to have a glass of wine with me at The Drunken Horse around the corner from me in Chelsea. Really, he curbed a holiday for just one glass of wine and then walked me to my door and kissed me passionately before I went inside.
Obviously, at this point I was planning our wedding and naming our children.
The next day, we met for celebratory drinks at Boulton and Watt in the East Village. Nothing particularly exciting had happened to me, he was just the sort of guy who finds a reason to celebrate things.
After our drinks he came with me to Spitzers to meet a good friend of mine who was visiting from London. We all had a good time, and then when it was just the two of us we had a ‘chat’ about exclusivity in which we agreed to stop dating other people. I left on cloud nine, looking forward to the dinner we had planned for Friday.
The next day we were passing back and forth cute texts as usual and I asked him if he wanted to come over and watch a movie with me later. He said he really wanted to see me but that he had a work event, could he come after? I told him that was fine and he said he would call me when he was leaving. Then he said:
You’re so cute, send me a picture.
This was the last thing I heard from him for two days (and no, it wasn’t a horrendous picture if that’s what you’re thinking… I was on the subway so I didn’t send him one, honestly).
Friday came and I still hadn’t heard anything, so I sent him a text saying:
Is dinner cancelled?
He replied about an hour later saying:
Tinderella, you’re wonderful. I think that we are too different for either of us to be happy in the long term. I truly wish you the best.
I have not heard from him since and am entirely clueless about what went wrong.
Please, if anyone can shed light on the situation, DO because this has completely thrown me for a loop.
I think I liked him more than The Republican and Benedict Cumberbatch all rolled into one and now I am heartbroken and Googling where to buy kerosene and matches.
xoxo A very sad Tinderella.
Tinderella 
Oh, noooo! So sorry, but you are getting closer. Don’t give up now!
Sent from my iPad
>
Any chance he could have found your blog, connected the dots that it was you and gotten cold feet?
It’s possible I suppose! Thanks for the input- I do not understand what goes on in your minds.
Haha. Likewise. Having just joined Tinder, I’m surprised you still have the patience for it. Makes for very interesting and educational reading for the rest of us though! 🙂
Oh nooo!!!! There has got to be more to the story…
noooooo don’t be sad!! i think some men can subconsciously get lost in the process of the conquest, because its a challenge but then when things settle they realize they’ve made a mess 😦
Thanks Daniel. MEN R PIGS. (but not you).
Well I missed your blogs, but sad about boston tinder, had a similar disappointment with a boston boy recently (not the same one). Maybe Boston boys are not all they’re cracked up to be after all…
Damn those boston boys. Similar thing happened to me with one. He was so cute/hot/got me hot and bothered (which isn’t always easy to do) and I still can’t get over him 3 months later.
“Experience is one thing you can’t get for nothing.” -Oscar Wilde
Sorry to hear about another fail. I think your readers are as bewildered as you are. Aside from Aidan’s suspicion, perhaps this man wasn’t being sincere? “You’re so cute, send me a picture” is a little strange, no? Better luck next time!
Hmm… it’s more comforting to imagine that he has a life-threatening illness than that he was not being sincere when he said I was cute but you may be right, in which case I change his ranking to zero.
How about he was sincere when he called you cute 😉 but decided to change his mind about the exclusivity part? I suspect something came up in his life (return of an old flame?). Abrupt decisions stem from abrupt circumstances.
I am loving your blog! You have such a funny & unique writing voice. Keep on keeping on 🙂
The task of reclaiming a bad man is extremely seductive to good women. ~ George Meredith / The Ordeal of Richard Feverel
what type of photo did you send? maybe he wanted a different type of photo? really shows his true colors for instance if you sent him a cute smiling photo when he meant like a vaginneeeeeeeee-nanananannana pic, ya knoooo bra?
just came across your blog – hilarlar! will be back for more! Don’t give up, sistah!
I really love your blog tinderella! Tinder is my enemy at the same time my best friend. Tinder never fails to make me feel good about myself. It’s like a mirror in the wall. Everything you wanted to hear, you can get it in tinder. I must say, I’ve dated a lot of pigs in tinder. Men are such Pigs. I don’t think we can find good men and somewhat looking for a relationship men in Tinder. All they want is to hook- up! I hate to say this but, Tinder is a pit of wolves. Please be careful next time Tinderella.
By Tinderella
I wondered like singleguynyc whether he was dating another person (rekindled love?) or other people in general (?!), and tried to cut ties with you permanently knowing you wanted a long-term relationship and you’d only be hurt (“we are too different”). It sounds like he can read a situation well. Ties in with asking for a pic (assuming what that implies), and I find that at odds with the previous caring nature. That’s not to say he’s a terrible person either (he didn’t pull you along, at least…).
Aidan’s suggestion is realistic except that if he did connect the blog, he probably wouldn’t have given up so easily, since you asked for exclusivity in the first place (or he had some extreme reason to think you were lying). I (optimistically) felt that maybe he took the exlcusivity talk to heart and worried he’d be making a choice too rashly by sticking with you (not sure how that adds with pic and cutting off ties altogether).
I don’t date or use Tinder, but given what I’ve learnt from you so far I suspect that guys rarely use Tinder for long-term partners, and if they do, either: they’re quickly swamped by the crass that loads it and stop using it; or realise it can be used for quick flings. Aidan’s comment suggests this too (“I’m surprised…you still have the patience for it”). Maybe I’m too presumptuous. Still, your project strikes me as unique in that it seems premised on finding a character contrary to the current that floods the app.
My feeling is that it was all too much, way too soon. Follow your own brilliant advice in your amazing “Hook A Guy in 5 Dates” post (which I just tweeted about). Stop the “wanna come over for a movie?” crap for a start. 😉
But really – will you ever find a quality man on Tinder? I think men regard women they meet on Tinder as definitely NOT gf material. Which kinda stuffs you before you even start.
But good luck – you sound awesome. If not him, someone MUCH better. Xx
Oh tinderella, we need to be friends.
I had a near-identical experience with a Jersey Tinder…I thought I was the only one these things happened to. =(
I feel like we need to be good friends.
Some men have this down to a science, they know exactly what to say and how to flatter you to make you feel special, and just like that you fall for them in no time, even if you have nothing in common really. It’s not you, he was probably just testing out the latest strategy in picking up women that he’s learned.
It has happened to me many times and only weeks later when all the frustration wears off I realize I didn’t even like him that much as a person, I just liked being adored. In some cases I figured out what the “reasons” were afterwards:
1. his long term gf had broken up with him, he was heartbroken and I was basically just a rebound. she took him back a couple weeks after I met him and that’s why he disappeared.
2. this one texted me 8 months later to tell me he still wanted to hang out but couldn’t keep up the pace (we saw each other almost every day) and didn’t have the guts to say that to my face so instead he just disappeared
My number 3. sounds almost identical to your Boston boy, and even used the words “wonderful” and “truly wish you” in his final text too. I still haven’t figured out his reasons but he texted me a week later to tell me he’s thinking about me, and I basically told him to f*ck off so maybe I’ll never find out haha
In my opinion they are just very insecure guys who think they need to play this game to get the girl instead of being themselves and going with the flow so when they end up getting you it leaves them with an empty dissatisfied feeling so they move on to the next challenge. Some warning signs for the future: he never reveals too much about himself, he sweet-talks you super early, tells you how much he misses you etc before he even knows you, gets upset if you don’t text back quickly enough. Just remain skeptical when you see this stuff!
Yes. GREAT advice!
Bloody hell. This completely explains one Tinder man I’m baffled by at the moment – he ticks all the sweet-talking, miss you, asshole boxes!
For what it’s worth, especially after all this time, I’m with Kate Taylor. You had 4 dates where he’s taken you out and then as soon as you discuss exclusivity you go all domesticated and ask him over to watch a movie. You don’t say whether he’s the one who suggested and planned the previous dates, but if he was it was probably because he enjoys doing that – taking the lead, doing the planning – and he wanted to do more of it. Or maybe he just likes going out?
Okay so I could be totally wrong, but the second I read “you’re so cute send me a picture” it jarred enough to make me think that perhaps it was intended for someone else?
I know guys who’ll continue to have casual hook ups while they date the-girl-that-waits, even if they really like her.
Great blog btw xxx
I thought the same thing.
I had this happen to me but happened after 4 months! Told me he wanted to go away on holiday, then text me the next day saying he didn’t think it was going anywhere! Still confused 7 months later!! Xx
Ah love… been there, done that, got the tshirt.
After 4 months of seeing someone, I received a text saying ‘sorry cutie’… and an updated facebook profile picture of him and another girl. Which was lovely.
Wish I could find a better explanation other than the age old – ‘He’s just not that into you’ which is sadly the way it goes sometimes. On the up side… you’re better than that, and there will be someone soon who is more than that into you… and you’ll think back and say – screw you! xx
First of all, just stumbled across your blog via HelloGiggles….ridiculously happy that I found this, you are doing what I wish I could.
Let me preface this with the reason I joined Tinder.
I met a guy at a wedding in June, we hit it off, texted and snapchats like crazy for a few weeks, he quickly halted our back and forth and then basically told me he that we could hang out when he came back home (originally from my town in PA, but currently living in DC) but he didn’t want me to get the wrong impression.
Jerk.
So, I simply got a Tinder to make myself feel a little better and intended to delete it shortly after. I was not going to meet anyone, I wouldn’t even give out my number. I had to turn down a few persistent guys, including one who was insanely attractive.
And then Italian Tinder happened.
He was my one and only exception to the rules. After talking on Tinder for a few weeks and aggressively Google searching him (he gave me his full name), we just gelled so well, I gave him my number. We were texting and Snapchatting constantly.
I needed to meet him.
Then I went through a similar situation as your Boston Tinder.
We had a few great dates, and then he would rarely contact me, but when he did he would say how he couldn’t wait to see me again, how he wanted me to come over to cuddle, all this cutesy crap he probably knew I wanted to hear.
But then when I tried to make plans, he totally blew me off….he never responded.
A few days later he tried to say hi to me through a snapchat. A SNAPCHAT! Nope, not okay. We are not in freakin’ middle school, you can text or call me if you want to talk after leading me on and blowing me off.
I guess he realized that I was ignoring him and moving on, so he finally sent me a text saying “You’re not talking to me =/”
We had a short back and forth about how he ignored me, while he tried to make excuses for everything and told me that he really did want to see me again.
He seemed like he was trying hard to make it up to me the next day when we were talking, so I told him the only night I had free for awhile.
He never responded.
What the hell?!
Ugghhh…..I really liked him, he checked off so many of the qualities that I would like in a man. (Before he turned out to be a dick.)
I hate men.
He’s acting like he’s 13….you’re 26, Italian Tinder, grow up!
Keep your head up, Tinderella! It seems as though there are multiple Boston Tinder’s out there, fully armed and ready to break our hearts.
Emily, there’s a clear pattern right in front of you in your own post.
When you meet a guy and begin “texting like crazy”, they lose interest in you. Happened with Wedding guy and the Italian.
STOP DOING THIS!! It’s the most insane thing any woman looking for a decent relationship could do. Text, snapchat – all it says is, “I’m thinking of you ALL DAY LONG and if this is just at the start, imagine how demanding of attention i’m going to be in the future! Escape now before it’s too late…”
Just quit the texting all day crap!
When you are not interested in meeting anyone, they chase you quite persistently. That tells me you’re very pretty. So just cool off a LOT with new guys, ESPECIALLY the ones you LIKE, and see what happens when you don’t text and snap chat all day. Good things happen. 🙂
He’s a sociopath and just wanted you to like him and said whatever you wanted to hear. He’ll message you in a couple months and try to rekindle things but never actually meet with you. You didn’t have sex with him. He met someone at his work function that did and he said he doesn’t need to spend more money on you. Periodddddddd.
Sociopath. Done.